Perfection isms 6
Now to perspective shift in my favorite way – seeing the bad as good, weakness as strength, obstacle as the way (a great book FYI). The question shifts from “How do I overcome perfectionism?” to “What if perfectionism were a good thing?”
What if we not only wholly accepted it as part of ourselves, but embraced and valued it? And/or, what if we went all “8 Mile final rap battle B-Rabbit” and used our honest challenges to our advantage? (💙 you Em.)
As I try to remind myself more often, sometimes it helps to give ourselves a break and notice that there are actually positives to our situation. And not only are there positives too, but what if it ALL were positive? What if every quality of ourselves was given to us for good reasons, for our own unique development? This is the predominant state of mind I’ve been adopting.
A truth – there is the option to see perfectionism only as a gift. Not merely see a silver lining to it, but a whole golden gift. Performing a complete “mental flip,” as Ryan Holiday would say.
How?
By recognizing that its positives propel us, and its challenges develop us.
“The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this.”
In this way, instead of seeing perfectionism as just one of our struggles we will have to overcome, we could see it as one of our greatest gifts. I’ve personally found more ease and meaning with the latter lens.
Simply put, life is a lot easier when you work with vs. against yourself.
At times, I will still try to make the “perfect” cut, get the “perfect” score (ahhh, 100% 🤤), and whatever else my ego and ambition want to do for fun. I enjoy setting lofty goals and having high standards, it’s just me. Also, I’m not often one to make the same mistake twice. I’m motivated to keep going and trying to achieve, especially when I fail. And one of my greatest joys in life is optimizing…everything.
Perhaps you recognize similar traits in yourself. All I attribute at least partly to perfectionism, and I wouldn’t change any of them. In fact, they make me feel proud to have perfectionistic tendencies. They’re so core to ME. And I’m not really about stifling or overcoming any part of myself (anymore).
But what of the challenges, the main reasons I’m writing these posts in the first place?
I’ve found that they arise when, as with anything, perfectionism becomes a sabotaging technique/defense mechanism as I mentioned in post one. How is this a good thing? Well, in one view, you could say you have a problem and blame it on your need for perfection. But in the flipped view, you actually have the perfect indicator.
Now, any time I recognize perfection anxiety, I know that it is just a surface level indicator of the actual, deeper issue – some form of fear I have, and what that means to me. Fear of seeing my work in the world and being disappointed, fear of being seen publicly in development, fear of making a mistake, etc. The gold is then you get to free yourself by reframing those underlying fears so they no longer hold you back.
This, in my opinion, is the best work there is.
Perfectionism is not a problem in itself, unless we make it so and use it as an excuse. Instead, it can be either a great strength or a lovely indication of fears you now get to free yourself from. Indeed, you can respond to stress with pleasantries and genuine gratitude, for it has unearthed fears for you to heal and clear away, creating more energy and freedom in your life overall - the golden gifts we all desire.
The positives can propel us, and the challenges can develop us.
I believe this perspective shift is experiencing perfectionism in the spirit of arete, a beautiful thing.
Ok, a final summary post to recap this series, and then…the end.